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Claw Machine

by Smashy Claw

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1.
Welcome to the Claw Machine 00:38
2.
Dreaming of Goatees 02:41
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When I was a kid I always dreamed of my first beard A manly mane to instigate envy among my peers Thirty years have not brought whisker one Each day I wake with anxious glee, dreaming of goatees But in the mirror there’s a beardless freak who starts to weep Impatiently a razor waits untouched Some guys leave me appalled. They bawl that it comes in small What gall, try being totally bald, then all you’d value stubble Bestow this bro with face fuzz Cause currently below my nose it’s vacant I’m starting to lose hope I’ll grow a great one The growing’s going slow and it kills me Of all the cruel conditions I’m just a little molecule deficient There go my lofty follicle ambitions This wool omission’s just not fair Come on drape this face so bare in facial hair Dad said “Kiddo, childhood flies fast; soon you’ll be grown up And lanate face, sports and steak don’t make a man; it’s the sum of what he’s done” Never trust a patchy schmuck so blind When other teens were making fake IDs, I made a stache It didn’t stick too well and fell off of me in front of the whole class After that their snide slights cut like knives When Movember is nigh I die a tiny bit inside So why are bearded ladies so shy? Cause I’d wear that hair with pride Bestow this bro with face fuzz Cause currently below my nose it’s vacant I’m starting to lose hope I’ll grow a great one The growing’s going slow and it kills me Of all the cruel conditions I’m just a little molecule deficient There go my lofty follicle ambitions This wool omission’s just not fair Come on drape this face so bare in facial hair
3.
500 Thousand Miles 02:23
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Mashup of "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton and "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers
4.
I Am a Head (Inside a Head [Inside a Head {Inside a Head}]) 00:56
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I’m a head inside a head Looking through the eye holes of the head that is in front of me I’m a head inside a head The head that sits inside me peers into my eyes so it can see I’m a head inside a head Miles in the heads continue looking through the other’s eyes I’m a head inside a head Deep beneath the heads get small enough to reach an atom’s size I’m a head inside a head If you’re still confused, decapitate a Matryoshka doll I’m a head inside a head Like a layered onion in a giant, fleshy, pulsing ball I’m a head inside a head Floating in the ether, every head it chants in unison I’m a head inside a head A billion voices crying out their hunger for another skin
5.
Cogs 01:56
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We heard the sirens when you got pulled over by that tank Hope your mandatory beating went well If you resist a little bit they bring the cage Then you’re just one of a hundred in a small cell That’s how justice is dealt We learn in school about the riots of 4003 When the totalitarians won the world war Blood was rushing into sewers in the city streets Blood of rebels that would dare dethrone our kind lords But the peace was restored I think we all agree, a life of servitude is better than death So, what’s with all the dread Cogs mustn’t misplace their steps or machines get upset We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained) With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained) We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain) Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (we drink to drain the hate away) In every book a page or two is blackened out and burned Like the bible says, don’t ask questions Were you dumb enough to say you don’t believe those words? No one gives two shits about your two cents Thoughts belong in your head Should the shadow council deem you guilty of what they say you’ve done We know their judgment is just I’m sure their dungeon’s tons of fun, insubordinate scum We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained) With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained) We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain) Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (we drink to drain the hate away) We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained) With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained) We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain) Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (the blood is flushed by the rain) We drink to drain the hate away (the blood is flushed by the rain) We’ve got to say we love this place Only a traitor would complain
6.
The Tom Holland Song 01:13
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Tom Holland, Tom Holland Does whatever an actor can Gets a script, reads his lines Then his mom says it’s bedtime Look out, here comes the Tom Holland Is he strong? Probably not Just a dude with an acting job Can he swing from a thread? No, he can’t, are you listening? He’s not actually Spider-Man “He’s great in the role” Says a proud MCU “And when he gets too old We can always reboot” Tom Holland, Tom Holland Friendly neighborhood Tom Holland Wealth and fame, not ignored Wealth and fame is his reward With him, box office gross is higher Screw Garfield and Macguire Check out the Tom Holland
7.
Plasticide 03:07
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Here I go into enemy territory In the next ten minutes I could be dead Even though I’ve got karate grip It isn’t useful cause my arms won’t bend Piles of plastic privates passing by my eye As I’m guided through the jungle carpet by some guy His giant hands, like a clamp, are wrapped around my whole body I’m a slave working for a tyrant Just yesterday I was in a tea party I’ve got a grave and he’s inclined to find it Once he gets bored of this war, I’m sure that he will break me Getting close, my digits fidget with each step Feeling at my head that got chewed on by the dog I’m a ghost that pictures his last breath Dead in his never-changing camouflage I scarcely breathe as carefully I traipse debris I see several silent soldiers that look just like me His crippling grip on my ribs gets me to wishing he’d end it I’m a slave working for a tyrant Just yesterday I was in a tea party I’ve got a grave and he’s inclined to find it Once he gets bored of this war, I’m sure that he will break me The screws inside my head begin to shake with fear Then a woman in the distance says “the bus is here” Me and the slain are detained, entrapped in a plastic basket
8.
Edward Norton 03:15
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Look into my mind, behind the eye you’ll find A shy guy’s confined reciting line after line He’s a star of the screen, but not real into the scene Don’t make him sign DVDS cause if he’s mad then he’ll turn big and green He’s a charitable god with an Italian job He's the only dude man enough to survive Courtney Love A UN ambassador with a swastika chest The only man to wear a purple rhino costume and still look all badass He beat Hannibal Lector, made an orange tree age In a Broadway production, he was starring with Batman and totally showed a chode on the stage He seems pretty smart. I’d like to eat his heart My friends say these aren’t documentaries, but I find it hard to tell them apart
9.
Bloviating in the Wind 02:25
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I think my colleagues on the dais Would agree the country’s gone to hell I’m aware that’s not the question that you asked me But these agendas aren’t gonna push themselves If you want someone rich and white Who’s out of touch as fuck, I’m your guy And to all that disagree I’m not listening, I’m bloviating in the wind I’ll declare to brick up the whole nation Then a million psychopaths will cheer The bible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, abortion Then when you respond, my fingers are in my ears If you want someone anti-gay And anti-everything, look my way And to all the stupid kids You can suck a dick, I’m bloviating in the wind So go and cast a vote Or whatever, don’t, I’m bloviating in the wind
10.
The Last One 03:46
lyrics
The office New Year’s party Some guy flaps his lips He drones on, you feign a yawn But he won’t take the hint Time’s not really real, you know So it feels kind of dumb To celebrate this arbitrary Reboot back to one Let’s raise a toast to time To all the days ahead To all the ones behind The drunken dancers mingle This guy’s got you trapped Politely, you try to leave But he pulls you right back Sure, you say that Seconds, hours, minutes, frame your week But that’s just what calendar companies Want you to think Let’s raise a toast to time To all the days ahead To all the ones behind The office New Year’s party Old Lange Syne they sing The last one before the sun Resets the whole damn thing We’re counting down from ten Hope and pray the day Won’t come this soon again Let’s raise a toast to time To all the days ahead To all the ones behind

about

Claw Machine was an enormous audio/visual project we undertook in 2016. By that I mean we consistently posted a brand new song and music video every Tuesday for all 52 weeks of the year.

I graduated with my Bachelor's degree from CU in fall 2015. I realized somewhere along the way that college, especially a Recording Arts degree, was not going to provide the job security that a naïve 18-year-old me may have hoped for. So with expensive piece of paper in-hand, I pondered what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I guess the answer was this giant creative undertaking.

We sunk tons of money into it, lost lots of sleep, and were generally miserable. Sort of an all-or-nothing approach to gaining some traction as a band. But it was all worth it, right? NOPE. At the end of the year we probably had fewer fans than we started out with, if YouTube comments are any indicator. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I was so exhausted and dejected by the end that there was a brief period in 2017 that I considered finding some other creative pursuit to follow. Alas, the siren song for song siring is not so easily shaken.

Many of the tracks ended up on Insane is Repeating, Demons in the Undertow, or the two holiday EPs, but here lies the remainder, half-baked concepts and rushed mixes and all.

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released December 31, 2016

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Smashy Claw Longmont, Colorado

2011 - 2018

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